Managing your mom or dad’s care from another town, county or state can be very challenging. Caregiving companies will often see an increase of work after the family has visited from out of town after the holidays. Of course, this is a time to see your parents after a long break and often convinces a family member to explore additional care.
If you find yourself face to face with your parent, this is the best way to make an assessment. Unfortunately, most of the time a long-distance caregiver has to have another person conduct an assessment for them. It is not uncommon to try and gather information by phone from the doctors, nurses, or even friends and neighbors. Of course, many of these people may not know your parents as well as you do, which can cause you to doubt the assessment.
In my case, my mom lived in the state of Washington, over 1,000 miles from my home. I would talk to her on the phone a few times a week. Most conversations I had with my mom, I felt like I have had at one time or another, but she was pretty good about seeming normal to me. Maybe there had been a little drop-off, but nothing that seemed to raise a flag. It took a bad fall and an extended hospital visit to get a professional to assess her cognition. It was a little shocking, even for me, how quickly she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My wife flew to Washington, to help my sister assess the situation. It was determined that she could no longer live in her home alone.
My sisters and I met on the phone and determined that it would be best to sell my mom’s house and move her closer to me. I work in the care industry and we determined that a Board and Care was the best value for the 24-hour care she required. This took a lot of pressure from my sisters and me, knowing she would be cared for and it wouldn’t break the bank. My mom has had her ups and downs, but I am happy to report she has really settled in nicely.
Many long distant caregivers may feel guilty about not doing enough. I know when my mom was up in Washington, I would hear about my sister taking time off and helping my mom go to the doctors, shop for her or do her yard work and I felt bad. Now that she lives near me the load has shifted to me, but we have managed to split some of the other duties to my sisters so that none of us are overwhelmed.
The Family Caregiver Alliance has a step by step handbook to help people who live remotely. Check it out.
https://www.caregiver.org/handbook-long-distance-caregivers
